Things My Mother Taught Me

MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"

MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week!"

MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MOM TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER
"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"

MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all.....
MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

Hard Talk From The Software Man

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school! He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT.  In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.  Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life.  In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier.